“It’s so confusing… we get along so well, we’ve got so much chemistry and we like the same things, we have so much in common. It’s so frustrating that he won't commit”…

A familiar statement that I hear so many women say, and something that I myself would have said once upon a time… But now this situation is no longer confusing to me, as I understand the neurochemicals that cause us to be attracted to a person,

And I know that this has NOTHING to do with whether you have found your match, and more to do with hormones and chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin!! Neurochemicals that have you feeling good in the moment, and leave you wanting more…. 

This is what causes you to be attracted to someone and lusting over them, even though;

•  how they’re treating you (including when they’re not with you), 
• their actions, and
•  their commitment (or lack of)

Don’t warrant such a high regard for them....

Someone who won’t commit but gives you “breadcrumbs” will a...

You have one job in this lifetime, and it is to truly love yourself! 

The self-love challenge is back and better than ever! In this 2.0 version we dive even deeper into what it takes to truly love yourself; we move from knowledge, into practicing and embodiment of self-love.

Let’s just get clear about self-love and what this challenge entails by first of all saying what self-love is not…

Self-love is not:

• a fluffy, abstract concept
• a bunch pf positive affirmations that sound pretty but you don’t believe
• a day of day spa’s, facial’s and getting your nails done (although this sounds like fun!)
• over-indulgence
• purely about pleasure seeking
• free of discomfort

One definition on a google search says that self-love is “having an appreciation for one’s own worth or value. It is also thought to include paying sufficient attention to one’s own happiness and well-being.”

Appreciation for one’s own value or worth…. When I think of the love I have for my daughter, it’s a...

Over the weekend I wrapped up a two-day online event, teaching couples the Seven principles for Making Marriage Work, based on. the book by Dr John Gottman & Nan Silver. This book is an overview of the concepts, behaviours and skills that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. In this workshop we took it a step further, and focussed on strengthening the skills couples need to build in order to embody a "master" of relationships, as opposed to the "disasters" of relationships.

What a treat it was to share this work from Dr. John Gottman who has conducted over 40 years of research! The research and evidence behind this method is phenomenal, and I love being able to teach people skills that actually work!!! It was so great sharing this with some amazing humans who value their relationship and are so committed to doing the work, that they show up on a Sunday!!! 

There is so much to teach when it comes to the principles (two days and we could ha...

So you’re in the market for a relationship, searching for Mr or Mrs Right. Maybe you're using modern technology and connecting to potentials through the online world; Tinder, Bumble, Hinge... Or maybe you're meeting people the old-fashioned way - at the bar/nightclub, through friends, or your hobbies and interests. 

Either way, we can acknowledge that it's a bit of a minefield out there when it comes to dating and relationships. Some people are there for a fun time and not a long time, while others seem ready to pounce on you and commit before you've even finished sipping on your first cocktail!!  And of course, there are the unicorns who are so rare that when they come along, you become so fearful of "messing it up" as you are eager as anything to exit the dating scene and move into coupledom.

But I have to share this fact with you... While unicorns do exist, there are many  "ponies" dressed up and disguised as unicorns. You know those guys or girls who initially seem so perfe...

Once upon a time I was sitting in a waiting room where I struck up a conversation with a young girl. A beautiful, sweet girl who was “in love” with a boy she had been seeing for a few months...

She spoke about how amazing he was, saying he was kind, funny, adventurous and driven. As she spoke about him her eyes lit up, reminiscing over moments they'd shared while re-experiencing the buzzing feelings that new romance elicits; emotions that had her feeling "lucky" to be in this situationship  (*situationship being a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established) him.

But what she also expressed was fear and avoidance. She liked him so much that she was afraid of investing time in him without knowing what their future would hold, while paradoxically avoiding having "the conversation" about where she stood with him. Even though this conversation had the potential to give her clarity and alleviate the fear and anxiety she was experiencing! 

W...

As a society we have become so discomfort avoidant!

We turn the temperature up when we’re cold 🥶, and down when we’re hot 🥵 

We stay in jobs that offer security, in exchange for going after our hearts desires ❤️‍🩹 

We avoid relationships in an attempt to not be emotionally challenged, or stay in “comfortable”relationships for the same reason

We use fast food, alcohol and drugs as a way of dealing with pain and discomfort, rather than leaning, and allowing it to guide us…

We stay at home rather than putting ourselves in social situations that might challenge us in some way 🥺

So let me ask you… what is your greatest fear when it comes to experiencing discomfort? 🤔

What is your disaster scenario if you were to let yourself feel the depths of your emotions in order to know them better?

✨Do you see it as a waste? (conditioned belief)

✨ Do you believe you can’t cope? (conditioned belief)

✨ Do you fear judgement or criticism? (conditioned belief)

Wh...

Even though life has its challenges, the worst of it tends to come from the internal dialogue; the voices and conversations that go on in our heads... Where we end up feeling like we're imprisoned by our own negative thoughts, desperately trying to escape them or worse, surrendering to them 

And when it comes to creating your dream life, it’s your head and limiting self-beliefs that gets in the way of you taking action, rather than an actual obstacle or person…

You might notice thoughts creeping in like:

🚩 I can’t cope with adversity

🚩 Who am I to stand out and go after my dream?

🚩 What will others think of me?

🚩 What if I fail?

🚩 Maybe I’m being selfish for putting "me" first

🚩 Maybe I’m not enough 

And even though you’re conscious of these crappy thoughts, you can’t seem to shake them and actually FEEL confident and worthy, and to trust in yourself and your own capacity 🥺

You can’t seem to take ACTION and move towards the very things that light you up 💡

W...

How often have you heard yourself saying "I'll be happy when..."

I have more money ❌ 

I lose weight ❌

I have my dream job ❌

I’m in my ideal relationship ❌

Or something similar.... Some other sentiment that suggests that happiness is to be found somewhere outside of yourself, by DOING something or ACHIEVING something.... As though you're unable to be happy with yourself and your life as it is today.

It's this mindset that has us convinced that we need to do and be more, in order to be enough. But the thing is that as soon as we hit that next goal, we want more!!! And so the dopamine hit of achieving our goals and overcoming obstacles is short lived, and we are back into the striving and wanting, and the feeling of dissatisfaction.

How can we expect to travel through life like this and be happy...?? It's contradictory!!! We must make a choice to be present in our life today, and to recognise what we do have and how far we'e come on our journey; through the high's and the low...