When a man says "I'm not ready for a relationship", believe him!

So you’re in the market for a relationship, searching for Mr or Mrs Right. Maybe you're using modern technology and connecting to potentials through the online world; Tinder, Bumble, Hinge... Or maybe you're meeting people the old-fashioned way - at the bar/nightclub, through friends, or your hobbies and interests. 

Either way, we can acknowledge that it's a bit of a minefield out there when it comes to dating and relationships. Some people are there for a fun time and not a long time, while others seem ready to pounce on you and commit before you've even finished sipping on your first cocktail!!  And of course, there are the unicorns who are so rare that when they come along, you become so fearful of "messing it up" as you are eager as anything to exit the dating scene and move into coupledom.

But I have to share this fact with you... While unicorns do exist, there are many  "ponies" dressed up and disguised as unicorns. You know those guys or girls who initially seem so perfect and so amazing, but before too long they're pulling back or telling you “I’m not ready for a relationship”. 

So what do you do?? You're super into them and you know how rare unicorns are and therefore don't want to let go completely, after all, what if they change their mind and are ready for a relationship and you miss the boat?!?!! Or what if it's just that they've had negative experiences in relationships and it turns out to be different with you?? Maybe you just need to "hang in there and show them how amazing a relationship with you could be. Or, you might convince yourself into believing that it's ok, that you're up for "a bit of fun” so no harm done, after all, you're single and have nothing else going on.... 

So you make a decision to persevere with something casual, a "situationship" that meets your emotional, physical and sexual needs for the time being...  But here’s the problem for the ladies.... We are born to attach and connect! We are biologically primed to find a mate. To find a partner to help us 'survive' in the sense that life is easier done in partnership than it is alone. And while we know that women (and men for that matter) are absolutely capable of navigating this journey of life without a relationship, our body and biology will have us believing otherwise when we find someone who we are attracted and connected to. Our body acts like a magnet, drawing us closer to the other and feeling a need to be committed to them, and visa versa. And of course for us women, our body produces far more oxytocin than men, so we feel the need to bond more strongly than what men do.

So guess what happens ladies when you become intimate with this pony in unicorns clothing??? You got it.... You get attached!! And when you ask for more from them, but he still can’t or doesn’t want commit or to meet your needs... You’re heartbroken. And instead of reminding yourself that he was clear with his boundaries, you make the fatal error of asking yourself “what’s wrong with me? Why won’t he commit? We have such a good connection”.

But the thing is, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! He told you where HE is at.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt and one that I teach women is that when a man says he’s not ready for a relationship, until he says otherwise, believe it baby!! He's not there! And no matter how good the sex is, how much fun you guys have, how ‘on the same page’ you seem to be, if a relationship isn't in his current "blueprint" for his life, you're not going to change that. Now you might know a story that is an exception to this rule, but please get, it’s the exception!!! 

So when you’re dating, and considering if someone is a potential partner for a relationship (because that’s what YOU are ready to create with the right person), go for the guys who ARE available emotionally!! Who ARE READY and wanting a relationship. 

And how do you know if a guy is wanting this?? Because he will tell you!! Just as he will tell you (through words and actions) when that's not what he wants - so listen!!!

If you want to attract a relationship and learn how to find the right man for you, check out my SASSY program here SASSY - we will be launching in the coming weeks!! 

Shannon

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